HELP!

My history exam is on Tuesday and once again I am freeeaking out. I realised this morning whilst reflecting on everything I had done to revise that the majority of the time I have been trying to (indirectly) figure out a formula for the perfect essay. Is it that obvious I also study physics?

Does anybody have any useful advice about essay writing? Or about the history of Russia?

Also I am trying to find a present for my boyfriend so any suggestions I would be very grateful for :)

AudioBoo?

Something I just discovered via twitter, some of you have probably heard of it before, it's a way of audio blogging for for iPhone. I, however don't have an iPhone and therefore had not heard of it before today. I'd like to audio blog though, because one day I would like to be a radio presenter. However, when it comes to blogging I like writing - because funnily enough I'd like to write for newspapers one day as well - and I find that the content of my blogs is something that I find so much easier to write about. Writing, in my opinion, is much more inpersonal beWcause it is considered and detached from your audiance. 

Anyway, this leads on nicely to what I wanted to talk about - my future. Scary. Recently because of being on study leave I've had a lot of time away from all my school friends and my boyfriend and it's been causing me to think about what do I want to do with my life? What do I want to get out of these exams? What is the point of it all?

What is the grand plan?

That's what this blog was always going to be about, me choosing my path and taking it. I want my career as a journalist but right now I know that the results I get in my exams aren't going to be the ones I need for my chosen university (City of London Uni). And I really want to go to London. In my opinion if I don't go to uni in London that will severly decrease my chance of becoming successful as I want to be. However my Dad keeps telling me the world is not black and white. Regardless of what he thinks I do not think it is black and white, I just know that I am not an outstanding person and if I don't get the grades I need then that's the end of that. 

On a slightly brighter note I've also been thinking about me and my boyfriend when we go to uni. Actually, not really a brighter note, I was thinking about are we going to stay together when we go there? The thing is, part of me thinks I really love him and a lot of me thinks that I don't want anyone else. But does that mean we're going to stay together forever, get married, buy a house and have kids?

Life is not black and white.

But sometimes I wish it was.

Revising?

No I'm not.

I am so bad at it! I have two, yes two physics exams tomorrow and I know sooo very little! It's not that I haven't tried revising, I have tried very hard but I feel as though I am getting nowhere. Also I have already done an English exam this morning so I'm just not in the mood. 

My mind is numb. This is an issue.

I'd rather forget about the past few weeks

So I will, and I'll start a fresh. But somehow now I can't think of anything I want to say. I'm watching Dirty Sexy Money at the moment which, I have to say, is pretty awesome. I love Jeremy Darling. 

It's official I'm going to fail my art A level. I have 3 days to finish two portfolios. Sounds plausible, no? Really? Hmm, what am I going to do. :/ Also the fact that I chose a textiles final piece and I can't sow for shit. 

On a brighter note things with me and my boyfriend are better than ever in my opinion :) everything just seems to happy and bright. What more could I ask for?

Must Remember

to write blog tomorrow...

too tired...

long day...

interesting things to say for once....

CIAO. :)

Why is nothing ever simple!

I have lost my theory test certificate. Why?! The other day when I needed to do my physics coursework I couldn't find my notes and now that I need something else they appear and the thing that I really need disappears! I am so stressed out this week and this is only making it a million times worse. If I don't find this I can't do my test and that's £100 wasted. I'm in London tomorrow so I have to find it NOW or I never will before my test. :'(

Life is about moving forward

I had a successful day at my new job and it was mainly fun :) I got to be a runner, meaning that I ran about a lot. It's a big change from my current job at Frosts but there is no way that I can do both unless I seriously reorganise my time - if I want to pass my A levels that I'm taking in just over a month.

The differences finish pretty much with the contence of the job, I get paid basically the same (but I get my share of the tips). The hours are better in my opinion, because I work evenings so I get the days free to do my revision etc but I get to work more hours, therefore because they want me to work 2 or 3 shifts a week that's as far as I can tell about £100 a week - rather than twenty something. 

However I do a lot less work at Frosts... but that's boring! My friends there all want me to stay, I have been working there for a year though. I've managed to sort of work my way up the food chain (as much as a weekender can) and now at the pub I'm at the bottom again, being a spare part and not really knowing what I'm doing most of the time. But that'll get better, I'm working there again tonight and I don't want to be a quitter at something I've just started!

Life is about moving forward!

I love my Dad so much for that phrase, it's helped me a lot this week.

Nerves are running high.

I am so unbelievably nervous about working in the restaurant later. I have this feeling something is going to go so wrong and I'm going to drop something or bring people the wrong food. It might not be that bad, they might decide to make me wash plates and tidy up for 6 hours. But if something does go wrong that means that I probably wont have a job there to come back to.

No one is listening.

Sometimes I wonder why I write these.

Clearly no one is listening.

But maybe that's the beauty of it :)

Today is a day... for chocolate :)

Easter has to be the second best (after Christmas of course - chocolate AND presents, plus the whole birth of Christ thing) holiday. I feel sick already and i've barely touched the surface of all the chocolate I have to eat. Nothing can get me down today because it is a novelty shaped chocolate day. And it does not get much better than that.

For instance this morning I felt incredibly lucky because I called up to enquire about a job someone had said was going and they said "Can you come in today?" and I was ecstatic! Because I'm not having as much fun at my current job since they cut my hours and moved us all about. But then when I got there I sat around and when they realised I was 17 and wouldn't be able to work the bar today they weren't as interested. However the fact that I don't have to work until Wednesday isn't so bad, because it's Easter! 

Plus I know nothing about working behind a bar.

Ah tis life

I am lost for words. I want to tell you about how I feel about my friend and the way she's been acting but it makes me feel self centred and bitchy. 

Ag work.

Could there be a better day than today, when the rain is chucking it down and it's freezing cold.

WHERE IS MY SUMMER!

One step closer

Today has been vaguely productive. However the reason that I'm writing this blog is because of the action I have just taken to further my career. I emailed Red Bull head quarters, just to let them know really how much I want to be an F1 journalist. Wow that news seems really pointless. They haven't even emailed back yet (it has only been five minutes) and it's unlikely they ever will. I emailed them before and it took them months to reply. I don't know why I'm getting my hopes up really.

I'm impressed with my courage though. A few months ago I wouldn't have been able to send an email like that outlining my dreams and ambitions. Recently things seem to be going right though, my grades are getting better, I got Vice House President at school even though I'm new and everyone told me I shouldn't get my hopes up, I'm on the school newspaper, I'm going to be visiting a radio station. Maybe that's just a warning sign for something has to go wrong soon - but with all that going so well, how can I complain?

I'm going to place my bet on failing my driving test. Which is not what I want it to be. If the bad luck can hold off until the summer once I've finished all my exams and driving test then I'll take it like a true soldier. But I've worked hard this year and I don't want it to all be for nothing.

Ready...Set...Go!

Ok, today I am definitely going to do lots of revision. I'm all set up and ready to learn. Got my laptop out and ready...folders out and full of info...

Smallville on TV.

But I guess that can only help the creative flow.

First onto history. Any helpful tips about Russia from 1881-1953?

Exciting News

Well only really exciting for me but I thought I would share anyway.

I've been invited to go and visit heart radio station to look around and have a chat about careers in radio :) I don't really want to work in radio anymore though, well not specifically anyway. The dream is now to be a reporter from the F1 Grands Prix and follow it round the world with my own blog, writing for newspapers as well as TV and radio things. I very specific and likely to be none existent career path. 

The racing teams don't want to give me any work experience though. You would think in the current economic crisis people would be jumping at the chance to have someone work for them for nothing! I don't want to do their normal work experience scheme though, working with engineers or designers as I assume they do, I want to work with the people that make the websites and the PR side of things. I think that would look good on my CV.

I'm pretty sure I would be excellent at this job (apart from my habitual rambling and occasional shyness), as you read this you're probably thinking that I would make the WORST journalist ever because my writing has no direction or structure. However this is it as it comes into my head - no correction apart from the occasional spelling! This is more like therapy to me than skilled writing. 

Maybe I should start writing like a journalist here and save the therapy for my diary...

Back Online!

Yes it's been a while, and I've missed the few of you that stumble across my blog with your random anecdotes and opinions. I hope you can forgive me, I was thinking of you the whole time I swear.

After the painful ordeal with tescos in the attempt to retrieve my new laptop I finally have it :D! Well I don't have IT. The one I ordered is in Ireland... And everytime I think about it I feel really guilty! It's a laptop! How can I feel guilty about it! It got sent to the wrong depot, it wasn't it's fault, but I traded it in for a black version because I'm too impatient.

I hope it's not lonely.

I tell you I'm not even exaggerating, I have an awful feeling in my stomach when I think about it.

Also because during the screaming match my Dad had about it he managed to make some poor girl cry, but I sent her a note saying sorry so my karma should be sorted. But then the poor lonely laptop...

I clearly have two major personality floors. Actually I think the problem in both situations is that I feel guilty way to easily. I've sorted my issue with procrastinating though, if I hadn't said sorry to that girl - even though it wasn't my fault - I would have been feeling even worse now and wishing I had. :)

I hate my conscience and weird logic.

"You can teach me to walk in the air; and I'll teach you to make nice noises on the piano without any music"

It's occurred to me that I haven't been on here for ages! I just spent ages catching up on all the blogs I've missed while I've been away, and I'm satisfied that the standard hasn't dropped. I FINALLY fixed my computer today - if you can really call it fixed. It works now, but has nothing on it that I actually need to use (except firefox), and I'm downloading everything for the second time as I type.

I feel as though I should have hours worth of things to write about, events to record, but apparently nothing that interesting has happened to me over the past few weeks. I've been studying a lot, I've booked my driving test... I had an art exam which I would like to show you what I created while in in and hopefully will soon. Also, my boyfriend has credit and keeps texting me things which I find annoying. For instance after we both watched the Sydney Grands Prix this morning, definitely an amazingly nail biting and tense race - not what I would describe as "lush" as my boyfriend put it. Maybe I've been studying English Literature for too long or something but lush was definitely the wrong word for it.

Recently I've been reading an excellent book called The Love Letters of Dylan Thomas since the film The Edge of Reason came out. I haven't actually seen the film but Dylan Thomas is a brilliant poet and his letters are really beautiful. It has sort of reached the point where he's told so many women how much he loves them and how they are so perfect that it's lost a lot of meaning though. I definitely would have fallen in love with him if he'd written one to me though.

(The title of this blog is from a letter Dylan Thomas wrote to his wife before they were married)

My computer is broken.

And my laptop is broken.
My Dad is going to go mental.

Add Vinegar to your Toffee

I made toffee today :) Definitely a highlight of the week, but it's very moreish and I know it's just going to make me feel ill. It'll be good when I get another sugar craving. 

When we found the recipe on the internet it said to add vinegar to in which we all (me, my sister and my brother) disbelieved instantly. Turns out it makes it go hard or something. So I think I need to be more trusting - generally, not just with strangers on the internet. 

Am I Crazy?

I've spent all week pretty much feeling like crap and generally lonely because my boyfriend (and best friend), the person I can talk to about anything has been away and not talking to me. And because I trust his judgement and I couldn't decide what to do I texted him and asked if I should go out. Of course he said yes! Go and enjoy yourself, so I said ok happy valentine's hope you're having fun with the German girls and he replied with how it was a cockfest really.

He got back today, didn't tell me he was back. I spoke to him on facebook and he said sorry he was talking to German people (who he's spent all week with) and then told me it wasn't infact a cockfest last night but he told me that "to make me feel better" (lied). And now he doesn't understand why I'm pissed off.

Sorry dearest if I don't like being ignored, lied to and pitied. I'll remember for next time.