Ah, what can I say!

Seriously? What can I say?

Life has become so dull, the beginning of a new year filled with resolutions and plans and now is the comedown before the next holiday which happens to be Valentines Day. Probably the worst holiday because there are always people that are unhappy due to Valentines Day even though holidays are supposed to be celebrations and happy occasions. I can't complain; I have a boyfriend. However my boyfriend will be in Germany that day. 

I'm just watching the news and there are pictures of peoples who houses have been destroyed and they have lost their families. It makes you wonder what world we live in where people are so isolated from the way that other people live that not having a date on Valentines day can be the end of the world, whilst others are losing all their worldly possessions.

My Da Vinci Code

I often wonder what it is that compels people to take the career path that they do, for many I'm sure it's just the want of money, but people that chose a job because they think that is THE job that I want to do for the rest of my life and come out with the most obscure choices do make me wonder. I'm sure it's probably just me, I find it very difficult to see from other peoples' point of view when it comes to how they live their lives.

I've always wanted the husband, the kids, the little house in the country where it's always sunny without from a cloud in the sky, apart from those days when everything is perfectly white and covered in snow - you know the type I mean? Yeah, the fantasy-never-going-to-happen type places. But in all honesty that's what I always have and probably always will aim for. And I can understand that people don't want kids or would prefer a wife to a husband - or even a house in the city. But I just can't understand when people don't want to aim for something better, even if you know you're never going to get it, when people don't even want to hope I find that odd. Maybe because that only leads to being let down? Maybe, actually probably, I'm just narrow-minded to other peoples' opinions.

I am completely off topic now. Those points I made previously are completely not what I was aiming to write for this blog. 

The reason I started this topic is infact because of my driving instructor. If anyone was ever less suited to the job it was him. These are the credentials I believe a driving instructor should have:

PATIENCE

knowledge of the road

a polite and calming nature

I cannot fault my driving instructors knowledge of the road. I commend him infact for how long he can talk and talk and talk about every available point on a roundabout when you can change gear. If you do not know the answer to that it is infact whenever it is safe funnily enough, if you feel the need to ask your driving instructor DON'T.

Patience and politness are something he does not have. If ever you were to think of a rude, grumpy old man, who hates all other road users, young people, cars and mainly ME it was him. When I first met him he came across as the cheerful Santa type old man that everyone loves - how wrong I was.

This is what got me thinking, Why has he chosen this job?? It is clearly beyond me why people would chose a job that is just not for them and stick with it.

Fear is your only barrier.

Today has happened way too fast. I had so much planned and I've managed to do so little. And I'm still here writting on my blog. I need to think of something to motivate myself. 

My super sweet 16 sickens me. I'm clearly just jealous but I don't think I could show off like these girls do without feeling completely embarrassed. Ah! This is how easily I get distracted.

"I need a haircut..."

"I want those shoes..."

Ooo actually I really need to do that history essay. :S

Actually, I was motivated earlier when I was looking at universities. I found the perfect one but I just don't know if it's where I want to go. I've had my heart set on Greenwich for over a year and now I've found City of London it just doesn't seem to compare. City is perfect for journalism, so clearly it's the obvious choice? I can't wait to go to uni, I just want to get sixth form over and done with and move onto the next stage. I really need to get a new job still as well. Have to update my CV.  

I have too many idea's for little projects. Small things that occupy my usually end up being forgotten after about ten minutes. Recently there's been the ideas for my sitcom, getting a new job, fixing my car, saving for a laptop, making sure I get all my homework done when it's set and writing my article for the school magazine (which I'll probably publish on here before the actual newspaper, so I can get feedback on whether really it's all complete bollocks) which I really need to get in because the paper comes out soon. 

My new "moto" for the year was don't be scared and so far I think I'm failing. I really need to learn to take the leap and take a chance. From now it's going to happen. I'll fill you in tomorrow if I was successful with anything. 

"Love the positive attitude"

I apologise in advance to anyone that may stumble across this blog and start reading it. This is a self loathing blog that will probably only be vaguely interesting to someone in a similar situation. You probably want to consider this before you continue.

If anthing was going to be worth while at my age you would think it would be revision. Studying hard so that you can be confident that when you go into an exam you can do your best and that will be enough to get you the grade you want. You would think.

Maybe I'm just expecting too much of myself, I have always been average and I will probably always be average - and when you're taking a subject that you have to be pretty exceptional to do well in I should probably be happy with passing it.

I shouldn't really talk like this yet, I've barely left the classroom but right now I just feel so angry with myself that I spent all this time learning formulae and practising and practising just screw up when it actually matters. I'm in a placed filled with self pitty - which just makes me even more angry with myself. 

I hate exams.

I hate physics.

Words from my father: "Love the positive attitude."

Thanks Dad.

When you have a physics exam the next day...

Do not decide today is the day you start comitting to finish everything you start - especially when things you start are watching TV and fixing the internet on your laptop.

Day 1

Day 1 of a new official year for me (There were no new years resolutions put into place for me on the 1st of January, so today is the day I've decided to make my reforms). So firstly a new blog to write everything down. Today, the 11th January, hasn't been as impressive a day as the I'd hope the first day of the rest of my life would be, however it'll do. Especially as I have been building up to doing something about the rest of my life for about a month now.

My reforms are pretty non-specific so far to myself. I think my first reform should be:

1) Think of reforms.

They go pretty much as far as 2) make some money and 3) learn to drive. 

Oh and 4) pass A levels.

I have a module in AS physics a day from now and I am not going to get the grade I want. I basically spent today "revising" as much as possible. Usually for me "revising" means watching TV or sitting on Facebook but surprisingly I actually did quite a bit of work. That, at least, has given me some faith that I can work hard and get decent grades in all my other exams that I have in May and June. 

I will also add to the list:

5) Get into uni.

6) Become world famous journalist.

Reasonable.

So far I have a job in a garden centre where I have just had my hours cut (my first joyous taste of the credit crunch) and a car. Well on my way.